When a simple “no” is too much
When an answer to a typical question is “no” yet again, sometimes it’s not just about that one answer. As Taz descended into catatonic quiet again this morning I felt like I’d been that straw that broke the camel’s back. Logically I knew that I hadn’t actually caused his descent, but I felt like I had. Just like that one last task that overheats a computer, my “no” caused Taz to shut down. I’m as helpless with him as I am with an overheating computer, which doesn’t sit well. No one needs a CEO who has no idea what to do next, especially my family. There’s nothing like circling mummy guilt to make things worse then they already are, so instead of taking the focus off him and moving forward, I fell into the trap of trying to connect with him, over and over. Like tapping on a lighthouse window, I circled helplessly. Then I had to leave him there, hiding in the only dark corner of his classroom, unsure if I was abandoning him, or if he was happy to get away from me so he could calm down. I know he can calm himself down. I know I can’t really do anything to help, yet I still feel the pull, like my mummy magic wand could appear and make everything right. But there is no magic wand… Not in my world… 🙁
If you would like to discuss the ideas in this post further, tell your story, or share your experiences, please join us on our Facebook page.
Please be respectful of others at all times. We are all on different journeys.
Posts you may also like…
I had 2 Christmases with Charlie's family, and none with mine. This Christmas coupled this cruel twist of fate with my attendance of 2 funerals in the month of December, so it hasn't been the most pleasant month. For my nuclear family though, this...read more
Carrying a virtual fire extinguisher around to diffuse whatever explodes next, I find myself questioning my abilities as a mum. I’m not the only one either. It seems to be something that I see lots of mums doing right now.read more
You may well ask “why would I be interested in this film?”, and to this I say that we all need to learn about each other, and it’s about time misconceptions about those defined as disabled were dissolved.read more