Less of what I love…
School is one week in and I’ve just realised why I’m so sad about it. You see, I might be more able to cook better meals now, but I’ve never enjoyed cooking anyway, so now I’m just obliged to do a better job of something I don’t like. I also have time to do all of that cleaning I couldn’t get to now… Oh joy! If I don’t vacuum and change the sheets once a week, there’s no excuse for it anymore, so I do that too. Cleaning and sorting is boring! Oh, and it’s NEVER all done. No matter how much time you spend doing it, there’s always more… It’s like climbing a huge mountain and the top is always out of reach. So it’s like giving myself a goal I will NEVER reach, every, single, day. Add to that the loss of the constant presence of two little lads, and I guess it makes sense that I’m a bit down.
I’m not restricted to only 2 days in a week to run errands while I don’t have the twins tagging along, so I don’t get out as much… Why go out and run errands I can do tomorrow, when the washing has been stacking up and I have to sort the pantry cupboards? Because I will go mad if I don’t leave the house, that’s why! Oh and the clincher is that the parts of parenting I truly enjoyed, like teaching, loving, intervening impending bloodshed, and hugs and kisses in tough times, well… They are now happening a LOT less. I really miss them.
I acknowledge that this next phase has it’s pluses. I’m loving doing readers every night, struggling to get music practice done before 4:30pm, and playing card games, but by far my favourite times are when we really talk. You see, I’m not there to see how their day goes anymore. I’m lucky to get a brief report, but Taz (9yo) is now watching Roseanne episodes with me, and as drab as that sounds on the surface, he’s asking all sorts of questions, questions about the phase of life that will hit him soon: that time when he starts to change due to puberty. Why is this a good thing? Because he’s young enough to still openly ask questions. Roseanne might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it does cover a LOT of issues relating to children growing up, and for Taz, with his issues of not understanding interpersonal relationships, he asks questions about things I’d never even think of teaching him, so I get to teach him. I’m loving that.
I look forward to opportunities to teach Chip and Dale about these things, but not yet. Meanwhile, I’m noticing that they have taken all of my teaching about conflict resolution on board. One promise to turn off whatever it is they are arguing over, and I hear them calm their voices and negotiate an outcome. I’m also seeing the three of them interacting and sharing play more. I’m loving that so much! If you add to that the development of Taz overcoming his meltdowns, Chip learning how to turn down his anger and talk calmly, and Dale finally finding his voice, I see that my family is progressing well.
I still miss having all of that time to teach them though. 🙁 Now to find a way to make my home clean and sorted without sending myself mad, so that I can truly be there for the kids when I have time with them. I’m ready to meet that challenge! Better get it figured out quickly though, because I’m back at Uni next month. At least then I won’t have so much time to miss the two little lads I sent off to school together.
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